The Epic Group

The Epic Group is the first main group played in 3rd edition and the first group played with all members of the Paul Jokiel D&D group. It is also the longest running and most diverse group, playing almost every weekend from December 2001 to November 2002 (approximation) and involving a myriad of players including the main group of James Mason, Jim Whites, Steve Schmanek, Jason Beatty, and Scott Errington; as well as cameos from Matthew Barnes, Mike Lewis, Crecenda Long, Kristen Donafrio, Steve Childers, Phil Schlipf, Nathon Jarman, Marty Green, and Tristan Haus. The Epic Group laid the groundwork for many future groups and is arguably the best group we have ever played. Its name is not only an adjective to describe the story, but also to the fact that it was the first group to achieve and play at epic levels.

Story

Act I

In a far away fantasy land, a country known as Gideon is still reeling from a great war which decimated the region. New troubles brew on the horizon, as in the neighboring region of Omoron, the King named Terminus has proclaimed himself as Grand Commisar and began a war of conquest on the realm. Declaring themselves the Omoron Dominion, Terminus engages in many battles with the neighboring region of Korth, a lawful evil tyrannical country whose rulers are fond of worshiping Hextor. In the wake of this turmoil, a gnome known as Tilpanz puts out a call for mercenaries willing to take advantage of the conflict.

Operating out of a region in Gideon known as Nord, Tilpanz sends the band of adventurers on a series of missions. The main group initially consists of Coburne Sephora (Steve Schmanek), a young supernaturally persuasive and charismatic orphan who lost his parents during the Great War and is just coming into his psionic powers; Crazy Ivan (Jim Whites), a reckless dwarf barbarian who has recently separated from his clan; and Gavin of St.Cuthburt (James Mason), the son of a noble from the country of Anacreon raised in the faith and making his way in the world. The group is also accompanied by a number of other adventurers initially. On one of the initial quests to smuggle hand crossbows used in the war effort out of Korth, the group discovers an elven archer named Puck (Jason Beatty) who was raised in the region of Maravia and is on a mission for revenge, who joins the band.

Led by Coburne; Puck, Ivan, and Gavin take Tilpanz's son Sempo in an armored caravan on a mission across the Omoron Plains to rescue a halfling rogue raised in the Wild Lands named Shemie (Scott Errington). Shemie is an acquaintance to a friend of Tilpanz named Mikhail, another halfling thief. Using Sempo's illusion to create a distraction, the group rescues Shem, but in the process Coburne faces off against his antithesis; a tiefling named Charon who is working for the Omoron army. Charon kills Coburne in the battle using his psionic claws to dissolve his throat with acid.

On the way back from Omoron, the group is rejoined by Coburne, back from the dead. Recognizing his rare psionic potential, Tilpanz had a clone of him constructed as a contingency against certain death. Coburne buried himself as the group heads back to Nord. On the way, the caravan gets into a skirmish with an Omoron battalion. Using his psionic powers to turn invisible, Coburne infiltrates the camp and discovers that their lieutenant is actually a bearded devil in disguise and that Terminus' army is secretly being run by devils. Terminus must have made some sort of Faustian pact to gain the military might to win the war. After returning to Nord with this information, Tilpanz quickly dispatches the group to the forest of Neverith to aid his friend Dorian Graywind, whose monastery is about to be attacked by the Omoron army as it is a strategic point on the border between Korth, Omoron, and Anacreon.

At the monastery, the group prepares for war, and meets Dorian, who turns out to be the high priest of the elven deity Correlan Loratheon. The elves aren't suited for combat, but Dorian's significant divine power may seem to give the monastery a chance. In a few days time, the army attacks, led by Commisar Kruger, one of the three main generals of the Omoron army, burning the forest down as it goes. Dorian casts storm of vengeance on the army as Ivan leads an engagement against them in the field. Back in the monastery, a separate attack is revealed to be led by Charon. Shem, Puck, and Coburne face off against Charon with a small band of elven monks who had taken up an archery post in the building. An obscurring mist cast by Shem provides cover for the group, and Coburne lands the final blow; getting revenge on the tiefling by killing him with a longsword. Commisar Kruger calls for a retreat, and the group wins the battle.

Afterwards there is a great victory celebration, where Dorian communes with Correlan, who provides the group with a great blessing (a permanent +1 base attack bonus). After returning back to Nord excited, the group is alarmed when they discover Tilpanz being attacked by Omoron agents. Busting into the room ready for rescue, it is revealed that the agents are here to negotiate terms. After seeing the group's skill during the battle of Neverith, they wish to hire them. After all, they are mercenaries.

Act II

In a juxtaposition for the group, they begin working for Omoron. After being deciminated into various regions of the Omoron army (spies, leadership, infantry, artillery, etc.) they embark on their first mission of attacking a strategic keep in Kord. After Shem leads a band of assassins who kill the keep's commander, a keg of alchemist fire is dropped on the keep by Sempo and Puck destroying it.

After the success at the keep, the group embarks on a number of other missions. They discover the town of Day's End, a rich magic item metropolis at the foot of the Midvale academy, where they recover assets for Omoron. During this time, they meet an illithid named Theel who runs a shop. Theel agrees to augment the group's gear with great magic, as well as give them a ring able to grant three wishes, if they go to hell and rescue the soul of a companion of his who had been killed. Blinded by greed, the group agrees. They travel through gate to the sixth layer of Baator, and though amorphous at first, after freeing the petitioner they discover it was the soul of Charon. The group had been tricked, and after returning to the shop they discover Theel gone, along with all the possessions he promised to augment, and anything the group didn't have on their person.

After this great embarrassment, the group redeems themselves by traveling to Anacreon to conscript a number of soldiers for the army. They fall into a trap, and are ambushed by the Anacreon Rangers. An elite fighting force, the rangers make the mission seem impossible; however through an illusion cast by Sempo combined with Gavin using shatter on the ranger's bandalliers; the group was able to defeat the skirmish force, and Coburne was able to dominate the survivors, forcing them into conscription. This was a huge victory for the group, and gained them lots of prestige within Omoron. Prestige that made some people view them as a threat.

After the victory, the group was invited by Commisar Hepheastus, another top general, to attend a strategic meeting in Omoron. After arriving to an abandoned tower, the group was attacked by a swarm of scourge. Using a rod he had acquired, Shem blasted the scourge with a cone of cold, incapacitating them. The group was immediately attacked by Charon and Theel, revealing the meeting to be a trap, set up by the Pit Fiend Kurnaz. After a grueling battle, the group was able to kill the two antagonists once in for all, but it became apparent that their time serving Omoron was over.

It was discovered through Mikhail, now revealing himself to be a Rhakshasa disguised as a halfling (the beard should have given it away), that Kurnaz was the devil Terminus made his Faustian bargain with. Though initially in Terminus' favor, as the power of Omoron grew, Kurnaz usurped his leadership and began gaining political influence over his army. Viewing Coburne's political influence as a threat, he tried to eliminate him. Kurnaz never intended on conquering the realm for Terminus. He had other ambitions in mind: godhood.

Act III

Upon learning this information, the group is contacted by a Solar named Hadrian in Day's End, who pledges himself to assist them in fighting the devil. The group goes to the country Anacreon, where Gavin uses his political influence to negotiate a treaty between the country and Korth, to help fight Omoron, Afterwards, Hadrian approaches Puck for a mission to go to the Demigorgon to retrieve the apotheosis book that Kurnaz needs to become a deity. Gavin agrees to go with him and the two are betrayed. Puck is killed and it is revealed that Hadrian is a fallen angel working for the demonprince. The Demigorgon is in league with Kurnaz. He agrees to give him the book, in return for him using his divine power down the line to eliminate the Demigorgon's arch enemy Orcus after he ascends, who Kurnaz had a fued with already.

Puck is resurrected and the group seems hopeless. After a strategy session with Tilpanz, they develop a plan. The gnome uses his immense psionic power to turn Coburne into a half celestial and metafaculty the location of the other apotheosis book. There are only two known in the universe. A race begins to see which outsider will reach godhood first. Coburne goes to a library located within the observaturium to retrieve the other book and the group begins the ritual. As the initial steps are reaching completion, the entire realm undergoes a massive disruption. Using another ritual located within the book, Kurnaz casts all the gods out of heaven so that they can't interfere with his ascension, in an event known as the Purge. All the known Grayhawk deities rain down into Siladia, going to whichever location embodies their worshipers the most. The skies are filled with fantastic sights such as Bahamut fighting TIamat. A church in Day's End blocks away from the ritual erupts with Erythnal, appearing to have a secret cult of his located within their basement. As the god of chaos rushes towards the group with his large morning star, Coburne completes the ritual, sacrificing his psicrystal to summon his divine sponsor: Heironeous.

Heironeous ultimately slays Erythnal, as the group escapes. During the escape, they quickly discover their second problem. The Purge has also caused chaos in the formulas that regulate magic. Whether it is the number of gods present on the Prime or a problem with the math, any attempts at magic or planar travel result in chaos. As the group tries to teleport to Nord, they end up in Celestia. Immediately all over the realm portals begin to open missing their target destination. Ehlona, Obad-Hai, and Correlan throw up a massive divine barrier protecting Neverith from the chaos. Certain parts of Omoron are flooded by the elemental plain of water, Slaadi begin destroying a town in Gideon, and in Day's End an army of devils intent on fighting the Blood War miss their target and begin destroying the city. After a wizard named Malhavic helps the group get home safely from Celestia, they visit Terminus, who appears to be completely apathetic towards what is going on in the realm. Weary, paranoid, and under constant surveillance from devil's; it appears that his life as well as his conquest is over. The group discovers that Hadrian is residing in the Olympic Glades of Arborea. Taking a risk, they gate there, and Ivan is instantly destroyed in the planar chaos. After the angel decapitates a half celestial companion of the group's known as Multani, he escapes. Approaching crunch time, Heironeous approaches the group and reveals that they know the location of Kurnaz's final ritual: a small demiplane he created to complete the effect. Still bound to this plane of existence, Heironeous is able to resurrect the group's fallen comrades, and combine his power with other gods to open a stable portal to the demirealm.

Once reaching the other side; Sempo, Multani, and another rogue manage to break the Staff of the Magi to nullify Kurnaz's minions and clear the way for the group. Fortunately, the staff transports them to safety. The main group faces off against Hadrian, finally destroying him. HIs ritual threatened, the Pit Fiend Kurnaz appears to face off against the group. On a bridge above a giant cavern filled with lava, the Epic Group battles against the devil. Metal flies, radiant energy is discharged, and rocks made of lava are telekinetically flung as Kurnaz commits his unyielding assault. Injured, Kurnaz flies out of the lava, destroying the bridge they were fighting on, and sending chunks of rock hurling towards the group. Puck manages to roll out of the way of the falling debris and land an arrow which finally incapacitates the devil. As he falls into the lava, presumed dead, the demiplane begins to collapse, and the group manages to make their escape; ultimately victoreous and having protected the realm.

Side Quests

In addition to the main quest of stopping Kurnaz, there were a number of side adventurers as well. The Midvale historians have lost track of many of them over the years, but some remain.

The dread pirate squeaky voice: One of the earliest quest's after rescuing Shemie, the group joins a band of pirates with Jarman, kidnaps a ship full of nobles, and sells them to a bunch of Illithids in the Wild Lands, presumably to become slaves or be eaten. This was before the group figured out what the word alignment meant.

You take my breath away: In Omoron, an epic random encounter took place when the group without means to stop heads from sprouting faced certain doom against a hydra. Fortunately, Coburne was able to crisis of breath the beast, ending the truly memorable show down.

A real nerd's drunken card game: A string of side missions involved vampires, specifically Grim (Steve Childers), his skull Cassius, and the vampire Deyafret, who had an amulet that allowed him to go into the sunlight. At some point Shem became a vampire at the hands of Grim and was cured like five minutes later. We also played with the deck of many things, at one point Puck became a celestial and was turned back like a day later, and Jim found out he was the son of Moradin (?). I'm fairly certain Turkey Whisky was involved.

'Riddled' with arrows: At one point, I can't remember why, the group was separated on their way to meet after an adventure. Ivan and Gavin faced off against formians while Coburne, Shem, and Puck climbed a mountain range and had a random encounter with a group of Sphynx (see what I did there). The Sphynx used their supernatural ability to stun Shem. The group was invisible dangling from a cliff, as was the rope they were holding. Being forced to let go, Shem began to free fall, but Puck was able to roll down the cliff and under extraordinary odds grab an invisible Shem. Afterwards the group climbed the cliffs and slaughtered the Sphynx. Puck had two x 4 criticals in a row (really just tooting my own horn on this one, I remember it being awesome). Afterwards, the group gained a level, which allowed Shem to cast spiderclimb on them so they could shimie (or Shemie) down the mountain. It was pretty awesome. In the aftermath it was revealed that Sphynx are good aligned creatures, so the group was really being a bunch of assholes. I'm pretty sure I made pillows out of their feathers.

Dwarf Jesus: One major side quest that took place was Ivan, Puck, and Coburne going to Ivan's clan in Holderheck after hearing that they had come under some sort of peril. Once inside, they found nothing but fine layers of dust. After some exploring, it was revealed the that dwarves "dug too deep" and uncovered a portal to the realm of a million eyes. Fighting scores of beholders, all pointing antimagic fields at the group strategically at various points making defeating them very challenging, Puck was killed during the battle when one beholder fired a disintegrate ray out of all ten eyestocks. They hate us cause they aint us. Ivan sacrificed himself destroying the portal that led to the beholders realm, because he wanted to retire his character and become dwarf Jesus. Coburne was finally able to mass dominate them and convince them to disintegrate eachother. Some young dwarves survived, restarting the decimating clan. Like three sessions later, Jim decided he didn't like his new character and wanted to play Ivan again, and like the real Jesus the dwarf rose from the grave.

He was probably molested as a child: Another individual side quest, along these same lines, was during the time Gavin negotiated a treaty between Anacreon and Korth, for some reason the Senate wanted him to get the Mace of St.Cuthburt. Gavin went to talk to the High Priest of St.Cuthburt, who lived in some sort of cave near a large bay. Not getting anywhere in negotiations over the artifact (go figure), Gavin attacked him. Keep in mind that Gavin is a Cleric of St.Cuthburt... and this guy is his High Priest. The High Priest killed Gavin with an earthquake (which is a 9th level spell, showing this guy is no joke). Afterwards, two of Gavin's buddies in the Senate ressurrected him and were like, yeah... we really want that mace. So Gavin went back and attacked him again! The guy somehow figured out an immunity to Mason's infallible harm/soundburst trick, and killed Gavin fairly easily for the second time. Mason's boys resurrected him once more and Gavin decided he didn't want to be in their frat after all and if they wanted the stupid mace they can go get it themselves.

Lies, lies, and more lies: It wouldn't be worth talking about the Epic Group without mentioning the ridiculous ability Coburne had to bluff anything. Taking advantage of older mechanics, and telepaths being about to use charisma as their primary casting ability, Coburne was able to Jedi Mind trick us out of basically anything. Being approached by guards was no problem when you could bluff check them into thinking that the assailants just jumped off a cliff. Who are we? Gold dragons in disguise. Seriously. Even with huge circumstance bonuses given to the NPCs, these bluffs were laughably easy. Favorites included telling the shopkeeper that a book was magical to get an inflated price when it was just a normal book, borrowing gold from Shem and then bluffing him into thinking he paid him back (you will still pay!), and of course using bluff and a potion of glibness to convince Tilpanz to turn him into a half celestial because it was necessary to complete the mission. We were 15, we didn't know any better, it was all in good fun. I'm pretty sure his bluff under 3.5 rules is still completely insane and the mechanics are still broken. Using a full round action you can make a diplomacy check at a -10 penalty, still being able to achieve a huge bonus, and just convince the ogre to stop attacking you, and there is nothing he can do about it.

Now you see me: Likewise, it is worth noting Shemie's ridiculous ability to hide. Taking advantage of crazy skill points, racial bonuses, and multiple items that grant stackable benefits to hide, as well as assassin's nutty hide in plain sight class ability; we once figured out that Shem could hide an entire castle if he was standing next to it, and no one would be able to do a thing. This supernatural ability made him practically invincible, which is why my money is on Shem if the group ever got into a dream fight. As long as there is a shadow within five feet, Shem can hide, and it will be impossible for you to get a spot bonus large enough to see him. One feat he takes even lets him hide from other supernatural abilities, such as blindsight or scent. He then can sit there and attack you with poisoned daggers and crazy sneak attack, and unless you randomly guess which square he is in and somehow manage to hit him (which will cause him to move next turn), you can't attack him back. Get the jump on him? His initiative can go toe to toe with some deities. AoE the area you say? He has a like 60 reflex and improved evasion. At the very best a fight with Shemie is ending in a draw, which is perhaps why he is the only member of the Epic Group to never die. I'm just glad he was on my team.

Magic carpet ride: It also wouldn't be the epic group without mentioning that Puck on a constant basis rode a magic carpet and refused to get off of it. Like... constantly and annoyingly. At one point he suffered penalties for having atrophy. Also, at some point the group had a gyrocopter. Not sure how or why. We sold it after Jim died for a bunch of money, which pissed Ivan off.

The Song of the Skirge Tower

After the awesome victory at the Skirge Tower, bards everywhere sang this amazing song to sum up the defeat, created by the Bard Matthew Barnes:

"Theel has lived for a long long time.

Now its time for him to fucking die.

He told stories of rings of three wishes.

He sent us to hell to fight devils.

Now its time to fucking die.

You've lived too long, no more living for you!

We are sending you to hell, but we will sing this song about you.

And we will make sure that you end up on the 6th layer.

You will lay with Charon as you burn.

Your blood will mix with his!

It will make a good goolash baby!

Theel, you got to go!

But you can leave some magic items, for me!

And some smaller ones for Shemie!

Theeel, Theeel, Theeel, Theeel, Theel, etc" 

Aftermath

After the Epic Group saved the realm, the gods were able to return back to their respective planes and Boccob sacrificed himself to fix the problems associated with magic, returning the prime to normalcy.

Shem Bliffwin returned to Day's End where after negotiating a deal with the Midvale mages he took over the city and established it as a haven for thieves. Shemie started a guild in the caverns underneath the metropolis known as "Shem's Shadows", which will go on to become the most prominent thieves guild known to man. Mikhail was offered to take over the first layer of hell by Asmodeus, in light of Bel's failures during the Blood War. He turns the layer into a poisonous trap filled dungeon and asks Shemie to be his lieutenant. Taking on a fiendish appearance, together they rule the layer to this day, connecting their fields of black lotus on the realm permanently back to the thief headquarters in Day's End. Shem also establishes the Black Lotus Society, an elite group of assassin's within the thieves guild consisting of him, Mikhail, and a handful of others whose skill vastly supercedes the rest of the organization. They work closely with Vecna, the god of secrets, to receive their missions and are feared throughout the realm.

Puck D'Hoffryn returns to Neverith to rule as its prince, alongside Dorian and Multani. After a number of years in isolation, Puck retires to Arborea, to take his place among the Seldarine and other elven heroes. It is said that upon his acension to Arvandor the shield around Neverith was lifted, allowing the forest to once again interact with the rest of the world. His uncle went on to establish House D'Hoffryn and become Lord of Maravia; and his great nephew, a half elf named Davion, was involved in the Next Generation group, but was unfortunately killed, ending his line. House Manaleaf took over as Lord of Maravia afterwards.

Chosen by Moradin, Crazy Ivan went back to his clan to rebuild it in the aftermath of the beholders. After a bought with epilepsy, he ascended into celestia to be reforged into a new dwarven savior.

Gavin went on to become Exarch of Anacreon and rule the Senate for a number of years. Afterwards, he chose to grow old and have a mortal death. His was the first and only body to be buried in Anacreon's hall of kings after the country stopped being a monarchy. His legacy is his noble house living on to govern one of Anacreon's principal regions to this day and the great body of water that separates Omoron and Anacreon being renamed "Gavin's Bay".

Coburne Sephora became monarch of Omoron, ruling for a number of years as he completed the ritual to ascend into the heavens as a god. During this time, his rule was glorious. He was beloved by the people as Omoron grew prosperous with the peace. At some point however, the potion he used during the apotheosis ritual was cursed by the spirit of Kurnaz, allowing for the events of the Castle group to take place. After Kurnaz's spirit was vanquished, Coburne completed his apotheosis, becoming the lawful good god of nobility. His demiplane is an infinite castle dimension which can be reached from certain parts of Castle Terminus in Omoron. His younger brother, Coll, a boy of five, rules Omoron presently; his spirit being recently rescued from a soul gem being stored in the Demigorgon's layer.

Tilpanz went on to become lord of Nord and his son Sempo established his own holdfast known as Coburne's Keep in the castle the Epic Group used as their headquarters for a while in Omoron. Both of them have noble houses that survive today and share their name.

The Epic Movie

At one point, after Paul returned from his deployment, the group gathered at level 21 to fight the spirit of Kurnaz, which after being banished from the Castle had now possessed the body of the vampire Deyafret. The group defeated Deyafret and Kurnaz as well as many agents of the Demigorgon and ascended to level 22. It is unclear whether or not the story is considered canon.

Continuity

During the group's final battle, Heironeous was unexpectedly ambushed by his brother Hextor and killed. Hextor was in turn killed by the opportunistic Bane. Yondalla was killed by future Shem and Charlie Hobbit in Carnet. Some of her divine presence was given to Asmodeus by Shem to allow for his ascension into divinity. The rest was absorbed by a halfling named Barris, who became Avandra over the course of twenty five years. Nerull was destroyed by Pelor, making way for the Raven Queen. Saint Cuthburt faced off against against the demigorgon and a number of demon lords, who managed to imprison him into a powerful soul gem. This, along with other explanations, make up for any continuity errors between the Epic Group and the different versions of D&D that have come out since.

After Bahamut and Tiamat both wounded each other, in a fight that was reminiscent of the creation of the world, the god of dragons sought refuge with one of his silver dragon disciples in a glacier north of the Holderheck mountains. There he created the first dragonborn Siladia had ever seen.

In addition, the following groups take place after the Epic Group, in the same universe, and largely dependent on the events that took place:

The Castle Group: where Charlie Hobbit, Silus Bale, and Desmond Hume try and survive in Coburne's infinite castle dimension as they lift the curse placed there by Kurnaz, allowing Coburne to ultimately complete his ascension.

The Epic Group: The Next Generation: 125 years after the Epic Group, finally healing from the Faustian war, this 4th edition group involves a group of adventurers setting out on a new quest as they deal with a rebellion in Omoron and the demon prince Orcus following in Kurnaz's footsteps to try and become a god.

The Epic Group: Deep Space Five: Five years after the Next Generation group, Kellen Tilpanz, great grandson of the original Tilpanz, rules Nord and grows bored of the complacency. Jealous of tales from his father and grandfather, Kellen starts up the Tilpanz Adventurers Guild and puts out the call once more to any adventurers  who might be interested in wealth and glory...